The Internet can be a wonderful place But...

...sometimes it can lead you down paths you don't want to/shouldn't go.

I started this post a few days ago and couldn't continue.

I follow the blog of a woman who is dying of "my" cancer.  She's doing it with grace and dignity.  Her friends and family are leaving wonderfully supportive comments.  She seems to be so loved - by everyone.

It makes me wonder about how it will be for me.  I don't have that many real life friends and very little family.

I remember being a college student when my Nana died.  The family - my step-granddad, my father, my mom and I - sat for hours at the calling hours and no one came.  Same with the funeral.  Just us, and a minister.

How sad is that?  To live your whole life and at the end there's no one?

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On another completely different note, one of the message boards I participate in recently asked the question of whether the members still felt pretty.

That raised a whole can of worms for me.  I have never, ever felt pretty.  Even when I was a kid and your parents are supposed to think you're cute, my family let me know that I was fat and ugly. 

When by a fluke of teenage nature I was going to a prom and showing off my dress my grandmother only said that I'd inherited the family moles.  Not even that the dress was nice.  Just another of my imperfections.

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So...I've been depressed for about a month now.  I'm feeling overwhelmed, overworked, under appreciated.  I'll never, ever, catch up with the web work that I need to do.

Every day there are would-be hackers posting on the message boards and other ones signing up for another of the Cushing's sites to do God-knows -what kind of damage as members there.

New bios, newsletters - no time or energy to do those.

Non-profit - I need to put together a resume and recreate all the past years financial records as well as guess what will be in the future.

All I want to do is sleep.

What have I gotten myself into?

The New Year

So, the New Year is going.

I haven't kept any resolutions but, then, the ones I "made" were the ones I always do - exercise more, eat less, drink more water, tidy the house more.

I think that those are all kind of hopeless.

I think I'm doing generally better than I was last year at this time.  My counselor thinks I am, at least doing better than I was two years ago.

We both think it's maybe because of my part-time, temporary job.  I'm getting out of the house more, being with people, getting away from talking about Cushing's all the time and working on the computer with websites, news items, blogs and whatnot.

So, I'm working more and napping less but I seem to be getting it mostly done.  I was never great with housework so it's hard to tell if things are worse or not.

I am teaching piano less than ever.  I hate to give it up completely, though, just in case.

Today, Friday, is my day off and I so enjoy this - although I'm catching up on Cushing's work.  All the new bios and accumulated news items through the week.

What will this year bring? 

Will I get more energy somehow? 

Will I decide to work part-time on a more permanent basis?  Could/should I even think of that?

Will my family stay healthy?  No more strokes, cancer, unknown issues!

Will we travel more like we always say we will?

Tune in as all these questions are answered!

WooHoo!

Everything seems to be settling down for the moment.  Everyone seems to be healthy, naps are occurring, just a nice normal day for a change!

Maybe I'll even take a nap myself.

On the webwork side of things, I'm still updating the Helpful Doctors lists at http://www.cushie.info/  I think that there are only 2 countries left to go before everything is switched over.

I'm pleased to see that people are signing up for that site and that there are always quite a few people reading.  I really think that site will be easier for newbies to navigate than the original site.  The doctors will be definitely better on there since people can add their own without me having to format everything.

I haven't done anything on any other sites for the longest time.  I really should do some stuff on the SK site and help my dog update her blog.

So much to do, so little time!

Yet Another Blog

Why in the world am I starting another blog?  I can hardly keep up with the ones I have.

So...we'll see about this one.  It's supposed to be about web design, how I got involved with it, tips and tricks, whatever.  Something different from Cushing's all the time!

It will also be nice not to talk about kidney cancer, post news items, other stuff.

Maybe this one can be just about me - and the ever present butterflies that seem to show up in everything I do.

I like to think of myself as a butterfly.  I didn't finally emerge from my cocoon until much later than most but I did it with the help and encouragement of a very special friend.  My friend also got me started in web design, which branched way past the original intent of a small page for my music studio.

If I knew then what I know now, I probably wouldn't have taken those first few steps into the land of HTML codes.